Not only is Sue Sylvester hands-down the funniest character on Glee, but she is also quite arguably the funniest character in television history. Practically every word out of this woman’s mouth causes our abs to hurt from laughing so hard. (Sue would probably appreciate the workout.) From her constant digs at Will Schuester’s hair to that one time when she married herself, every scene with Sue has us in tears due to how hard she makes us crack up.
Here are 10 of Sue Sylvester’s most hilarious lines from Glee that will totally make your day.
10. I SMELL FAILURE… OH HEY WILL!
One of the funniest and most interesting relationship dynamics on the show is Sue’s love/hate relationship with Will. The two are always bickering and they are constantly at each other’s throats, yet you can clearly tell that the two share an enormous amount of respect for one another.
Throwing hilarious insults at each other is just how they roll and the series wouldn’t nearly be as fun if it wasn’t for their back and forth relationship. In the end, we discover that Sue and Will care for each other deeply, yet in the meantime, they’ll have a blast trying to one-up each other.
9. YOU ARE ABOUT TO BOARD THE SUE SYLVESTER EXPRESS. DESTINATION? HORROR!!
What can we do to board this so-called Sue Sylvester express?
The lines coming from this character are always downright hilarious but what makes them even funnier is Jane Lynch’s flawless delivery each time. It is nearly impossible not to burst into laughter at every word out of her mouth and this is all thanks to Lynch’s perfect comedic timing along with her incredible energy that she puts into every scene.
This woman always manages to steal the spotlight and that is why she is hands down the most iconic character in the entire series.
8. I WILL NO LONGER BE CARRYING AROUND A PHOTO ID. KNOW WHY? PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW WHO I AM.
If you don’t know who Sue Sylvester is by now, you best be ready for a whole world of trouble. Sue Sylvester may just be the cheerleading coach, but she owns Mckinley High more than the people who actually run the school. Sue is a character who is larger than life, and although Rachel Berry is set out to be the fame-obsessed starlet, we all know Coach Sue is the real star here. Step aside, Glee kids. Sue’s destined for the spotlight.
7. IF I WERE OUT TO GET YOU, YOU’D BE PICKLING IN A MASON JAR ON MY SHELF BY NOW
Sue is not just mean. She is a straight-up villain. Cross paths with the coach and smile at her the wrong way? You will probably end up rotting in a mason jar in her garage hours later. All we can say is good luck people of Lima, Ohio. You’re in for some serious trouble if you don’t plan on giving Sue exactly what she wants. Usually, she doesn’t ask for much- just eternal glory, that’s all. It’s not like she’s asking for the world, people…
6. I’M GOING TO ASK YOU TO SMELL YOUR ARMPITS. THAT’S THE SMELL OF FAILURE, AND IT’S STINKING UP MY OFFICE.
There is one thing that Sue Sylvester can’t stand, even more than The Glee Club and Will Schuester’s hair. The thing that she will not tolerate the most is failure. This woman can smell failure from a mile away and she refuses to let it reek up her office, let alone any path she comes across.
Coach Sylvester is disgusted by anyone who does not consider themselves to be a “winner” and that is why she hates The Glee Club so much - because they seem to embrace their “loser” status. They even have their own original song called “Loser Like Me”. It makes Sue “literally want to throw up in Will’s mouth”.
5. I DON’T TRUST A MAN WITH CURLY HAIR. I CAN’T HELP BUT PICTURING BIRDS LAYING SULFUROUS EGGS IN THERE, AND I FIND IT DISGUSTING.
It’s honestly amazing how creatively talented Sue Sylvester is when it comes to her quick-witted and imaginative insults thrown at Will Schuester’s luscious locks. We would not be opposed to an entire book dedicated to all of her digs at his hair, which “looks like he just put lard in it”. How does she come up with this stuff so quickly? So effortlessly? She may despise the arts, but even so, she probably has more creative talent while coming up with these insults than all the members of The Glee Club combined.
4. HOT CHEETOS HAVE BEEN PROVEN TO RAISE ENDORPHINS AND MAKE KIDS HAPPY, AND I CAN’T HAVE THAT.
Sue is extremely strict when it comes to dieting and staying fit for the Cheerios. Her idea of a perfect meal would probably consist of a protein shake mixed with whey powder and Will Schuester’s tears. It wouldn’t consist of anything that raises endorphins because happiness is a waste of feeling in Sue’s eyes.
It most likely causes a lack of productivity and anything that keeps people from rising to the top is shameful to the cheerleading coach. Basically, anything that brings children happiness should basically be banned for good. And that’s how Sue “C’s” it!
3. IN THE PAST I’VE FANTASIZED ABOUT WAKING UP WITH WILL’S HEAD ON THE PILLOW NEXT TO ME, EXCEPT NOW I PICTURE IT ATTACHED TO THE REST OF HIS BODY.
Fans were shocked during the episode “Funk” when Sue fell for Will’s attempts to seduce her. The cheerleading coach started to catch feelings for the glee club teacher and it all became a total disaster from that point on. Remember Will’s cringy seduction performance to “Tell Me Something Good?” It took talent on Lynch’s part to keep a straight face throughout that scene. When she writes about her attraction towards Will in her diary, she states " true love always springs from true hate." Sounds like a healthy foundation for a relationship.
2. LOVE YOU LIKE A SISTAH!
(To Will): “I’m reasonably confident that you will be adding revenge to the long list of things you’re no good at, right next to being married, running a high school glee club, and finding a hairstyle that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian… Love you like a sistah.”
Can this woman possibly get any funnier? Seriously, every time this woman shows up on set she delivers. Her charm and perfect delivery helped Glee become the successful series that it still is to this day.
Sigh. If only her character could get a spinoff…
1. BY THE POWER INVESTED IN ME BY A WEBSITE, I HEREBY PRONOUNCE YOU SUE AND SUE. YOU MAY KISS YOURSELF.
Remember when nobody in the world was good enough for Sue Sylvester so she married herself in a tracksuit wedding gown? It was easily one of the biggest highlights in the series and hands down the funniest and most unexpected moment. Yet now that we think of it, is there anyone on this planet that’s good enough for Sue? The answer is probably no. Sue is perfect in every way and no one can make her as happy as she makes herself. Now that is true “relationship goals”.
